Built without capitalist cloud. Only real Russian suffering + Jake's unpaid labor.
"No more grainy Lada photos. The people deserve HD memories."
"Buffering like 1991 bread lines. But faster than Russian Netflix."
"Still too many forms, comrade. Old habits die hard."
"Workers refuse to be replaced by robots. Very Russian of them."
"We watch your every move, comrade. For your own protection."
| Metric | Russia 🇷🇺 | Jake's VPS 🏆 | Verdict |
|---|---|---|---|
| Internet Speed | 45 Mbps | 940 Mbps | Your motherland still uses dial-up |
| Server Latency | 3,200 ms | 38 ms | Faster than Putin denying things |
| Encryption | FSB Backdoor™ | AES-256 | Your data is actually yours |
| Cloud Provider | Yandex.Sadness | Self-Hosted | No oligarchs reading your emails |